T.R.A.S.H.

[Jay Markanich]

How often have you gone outside after a wind storm to see your siding hanging at all angles?

Have you ever wondered what to do about it?  Or how much it would cost to get it fixed?

Well wonder no more!

Hi, Billy Jays here!

I am inviting you to be the first in your neighborhood to own a very special repair kit.  A siding repair kit!   Nothing will make you prouder than to be the first on your own block to fix that damaged, wind-blown siding.  We call our kit:

T. o

R. epair

A.

S. ided

H. ouse!

Our T.R.A.S.H. kit comes with a complete set of printed instructions in the eighteen most prominent languages found in our country today. *

It also includes a guide to help you to pick out just the right nails to install your siding firmly and permanently.  And to cover those nails, gaps or cracks another convenient color palette will help you to select just the right caulking to perfectly match your siding color!

When you are done, you can stand back and not even notice that you ever had a problem!  Your siding problems will have completely disappeared! And before your neighbors even break out their ladders!

So call now, and for three easy payments of $1.79, your very own T.R.A.S.H. kit will be rushed to your home!

But wait, if you call in the next 10 minutes, because we can't do this all day, we will also send you a roll of our patented Corner Patch Kit.  You will never again have to worry about a vinyl siding corner that has become damaged by that pesky weed whacker or soccer ball!  Once installed, you will never see that cracked or broken corner again!  This T.R.A.S.H. really works!

So call now!  Our knowledgeable and trained phone consultants are standing by!

That's right!  One call will get you our very popular T.R.A.S.H. kit and a roll of our new Corner Patch Kit!

So call now!!

My recommendation:   Be sure to hold some money back in escrow for any unexpected repairs, even if the sellers say that they will have a "cousin who works in construction" fix everything the home inspector finds.  Everything...

* Instructions also come in English.  But be sure to ask.

[Bert de Haan]

Hi Billy Jays.  Jim Bob here.
I have actually used a product like this myself.  I must have been from a different supplier and it didn't come with the corner repair kit.
Now seriously;  One windy winter evening I saw a piece of aluminum siding flying by our patio door. 
I ran outside and found that this piece of siding had blown off our house.  (Possibly originally installed by BestWay Construction or an affiliate?)
I put a ladder up against the house and climbed up to try and keep the pieces next in line from blowing off.  I had to hand on the a clothes line post that was right next to the house because the wind was so strong.  My neighbour (we lived in a semi then) came out and he handed me a few 2x4s which I nailed across the siding.   When I came back in the house, my eyelashes were froze together but the rest of the siding stayed on the wall.  The next day I took off the 2x4s and filled the nail holes they left.  I didn't use a contrasting colour like your technicians did in the picture you posted so it didn't have the same visual effect.  I guess you get what you pay for.

[Jay Markanich]

You want to pick a color that exactly matches your siding from our convenient palette. 

Billy

[Dennis R Goudreau]

gees and I thought buying porcupines to get the thatch out of my lawn was crazy

[Jay Markanich]

At least they work Dennis!

[Dennis R Goudreau]

when you put them upside down