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Bert de Haan
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« on: August 28, 2011, 08:23:11 PM » |
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WHAT PETS WRITE IN THEIR DIARIES
Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary......
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8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary...
Day 983 of my captivity...
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards...
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking.. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...
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Stephen Stanczyk
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« Reply #1 on: August 28, 2011, 08:36:31 PM » |
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There is an easy way to fool people about their pets as well.
You can make a cat sound like a dog, and a dog sound like a cat......
"Make a cat sound like a dog"........ douse it with gasoline and light it with a match...... WOOF.
"Make a dog sound like a cat"........ put it in the freezer until rock hard and then run it over the table saw...... Meeooooowwww
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There is nothing sweeter than the smell of fresh cut grass on a baseball infield, the click of a wooden bat and the taste of a hot dog at a warm sunny daytime double-header.
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Dominic Maricic
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« Reply #2 on: August 28, 2011, 11:58:04 PM » |
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Stephen, you might need to see a shrink about your violent tendencies!
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Stephen Stanczyk
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« Reply #3 on: August 29, 2011, 03:29:43 AM » |
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I suppose you have a thing against stir fry kittens as well. Geez...
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There is nothing sweeter than the smell of fresh cut grass on a baseball infield, the click of a wooden bat and the taste of a hot dog at a warm sunny daytime double-header.
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Jeffrey R. Jonas
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« Reply #4 on: August 29, 2011, 08:32:03 AM » |
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Aww Dom, Stephen really is an animal lover! He is always tweeting that he is about to go "Wok his dog"!!!  |
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Jeffrey R. Jonas 507.213.7468 nspector.jeff@gmail.com Owatonna Minnesota Home InspectorURL : www.owatonnahomeinspector.com Title: Critical Eye Property Inspections Description: Providing home inspections in all of Southern Minnesota, including: Owatonna, Waseca, Mankato, Faribault, Northfield, Elko, Cannon Falls, Red Wing, Mantorville, Byron, Rochester, Stewartville, Austin, Albert Lea, Ellendale, and New Richland. Keywords: Owatonna Waseca Mankato Faribault Rochester Minnesota URL Path: owatonna-waseca-faribault-rochester-minnesota-home-inspector.html |
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Dominic Maricic
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« Reply #5 on: August 29, 2011, 01:11:23 PM » |
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Aww Dom, Stephen really is an animal lover! He is always tweeting that he is about to go "Wok his dog"!!! Now that was funny! |
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Stephen Stanczyk
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« Reply #6 on: August 29, 2011, 02:33:11 PM » |
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You people have no sense of true epicurean delights. I suppose you would make jokes about my bbq kitty kabobs as well as my smoked fluffy Easter bunny. Main courses are one thing. Just don't make fun of my desserts. Parakeet pie with a gerbil ganache is to die for....  |
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There is nothing sweeter than the smell of fresh cut grass on a baseball infield, the click of a wooden bat and the taste of a hot dog at a warm sunny daytime double-header.
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Jeffrey R. Jonas
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« Reply #7 on: August 29, 2011, 02:58:07 PM » |
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My only issue is that "Fido" is a bit too greasy for my taste.  |
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Jeffrey R. Jonas 507.213.7468 nspector.jeff@gmail.com Owatonna Minnesota Home InspectorURL : www.owatonnahomeinspector.com Title: Critical Eye Property Inspections Description: Providing home inspections in all of Southern Minnesota, including: Owatonna, Waseca, Mankato, Faribault, Northfield, Elko, Cannon Falls, Red Wing, Mantorville, Byron, Rochester, Stewartville, Austin, Albert Lea, Ellendale, and New Richland. Keywords: Owatonna Waseca Mankato Faribault Rochester Minnesota URL Path: owatonna-waseca-faribault-rochester-minnesota-home-inspector.html |
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Bert de Haan
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« Reply #8 on: August 29, 2011, 04:37:57 PM » |
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When I was posting the original post I was going for the warm and fuzzy feeling. Who would have thunk it was going to result in a "Cooking With Stephen" show.
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Jeffrey R. Jonas
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« Reply #9 on: August 29, 2011, 04:48:00 PM » |
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Bert... you really should have known better!
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Jeffrey R. Jonas 507.213.7468 nspector.jeff@gmail.com Owatonna Minnesota Home InspectorURL : www.owatonnahomeinspector.com Title: Critical Eye Property Inspections Description: Providing home inspections in all of Southern Minnesota, including: Owatonna, Waseca, Mankato, Faribault, Northfield, Elko, Cannon Falls, Red Wing, Mantorville, Byron, Rochester, Stewartville, Austin, Albert Lea, Ellendale, and New Richland. Keywords: Owatonna Waseca Mankato Faribault Rochester Minnesota URL Path: owatonna-waseca-faribault-rochester-minnesota-home-inspector.html |
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Doug Cossar CMI
Full Member
Karma: 6
 Offline
Whitby Ontario
Posts: 109
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« Reply #10 on: October 01, 2011, 06:17:53 AM » |
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How about German Shepard pie?
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Cameron Anderson
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« Reply #11 on: October 03, 2011, 11:40:46 PM » |
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German Shepherd Pie... I ran across one of those today. |
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